I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
