Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
