Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
