Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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