I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
operation harelip BJ is a go
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
