I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There are leaves in my underwear?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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