If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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