My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
