The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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