this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
