I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
