JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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