Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
