Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
