I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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