so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
