My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
