he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
