break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
