If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
