So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
