I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Randomize
