My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
