i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
