You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Boobs speak an international language.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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