everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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