oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
