Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
