My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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