you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
