i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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