nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
