Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
