Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
