the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
