I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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