he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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