No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize