i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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