Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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