I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
