considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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