How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
