you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
