I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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