I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
