Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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