If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
