paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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