Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
