turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
